Fifth Entry: Personal Essay Revisions

While I was looking over the peer review sheet, I realized that some of the examples and situations I encounter in my paper needed more explanation for the reader. During peer review, the people in my group pointed out some confusing points in my paper that any reader might have had trouble with. I had to remember that I was writing for an audience that doesn’t know how my family interacts and they have little to no background outside of what they read in my paper. I also got feedback that I needed to do more showing, or elaborate on certain events that could have a greater impact on my topic. The feedback was very helpful because after I read over the comments, I could see exactly where my audiences might get confused. I had to re-read my paper as if I didn’t know anything about Bar Harbor so I could avoid assumptions I might have made about my audience. By elaborating certain events in my story, the audience would be able to relate to me and the situations I encounter. I would also have the ability to draw my reader in and make the topic more interesting so that I can keep their attention. For example, I should expand on the topic of the lobster races. Most people probably don’t know what they are, and the more my reader knows, the more invested they may become in my paper. Most of the revisions I make will help clarify significant events that can support and develop the overall message of my story.